Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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