The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
