So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
