dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
