seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
