Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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