chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
