the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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