no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
