I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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