I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
