who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize