ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
