My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
