PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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