I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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