Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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