i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
