i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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