Can Purell be used as lube?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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