hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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