Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
