She is in my trunk
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
