Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
