It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
