Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
