Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize