Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
