the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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