I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The best revenge is premature balding
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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