her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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