can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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