We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
