go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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