i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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