we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
