I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
