They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize