My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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