Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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