If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
