Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you win again, gameday.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
