We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize