During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So many bounce houses so little time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
