I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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