if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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