im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
