Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
