He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
