So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
OPIZZABONMYDICK
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
