Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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