There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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