If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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