Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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