I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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