Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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