There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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