Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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