is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
