Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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