i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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