i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
