Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
