What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
