it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
