i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize