i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
