I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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