Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
