In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
