What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
