God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
