I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
