I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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