just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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