I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
