I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
